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You do you, I’ll do me. Together.

Much of the trouble in this world stems from people wanting others to conform to their way of thinking or being. When that happens, vast treasures are potentially lost, not just for the demanding person, but from the person on the receiving end of such demands. While its easy to understand that where people agree to work together, their functions toward a common goal have an expected decorum, additional facets of satisfaction can exist in those offings.

Each of us is born with an essence. A set design that grows alongside the usual learning of life and it can be glimpsed in our most commonly in our personalities. That is, if you know how to look. We all love the stories of a teacher, or mentor, whose particular attention and investment in a student places them on a path to what is clearly their destiny. Though such tales seem few and far between, the potential for them lies in all of us and in nearly all of our interactions with one another.

My wife and I are exceptionally different. Because many of those differences weren’t readily apparent while we courted, the tension of them grew after we were married. In the processes of that tension playing out, we both re-discovered our “essence” as individuals. As I mentioned, everyone has an essence and it’s in that essence which lie the irrevocable aspects of who we are, ultimately beckoning the journey to fully realize them. As the two of us accepted and focused on the positives of each other’s “essence”, the fickle ambiguity of our emotions, which had been the standard by which we formerly judged our own and each other’s outer selves, were taken off the table. We could see each other clearly.

As we’ve grown from there, neither of us has the desire, or the grid, to operate within each other’s essence. What is a wide open space for us, would be a cage to the other. That being said, I’ve even found myself enjoying some of the things about her which used to rub me the wrong way. But we’ve since embarked on a more thoughtful journey of partnering where we must and letting each other soar, as we must. Life is a whole lot sweeter. Emotions are meant to be tools, not finished products. Essence is a finished product, not a tool.

So be kind. Be thoughtful. Look for opportunities to solve issues by looking for the strengths and treasures in those who share the responsibility of them. Then, just do you.